She's Mine
by Morrigana Aradia DeWinter
Summary: This may offend some, I warn thee now: implied shoujo-ai.
1. She's Mine

Title: She's Mine…

By: Bunnie

Rating: PG

A.N. This is my first work published here. Please R/R.

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I'm lying in bed. She's right beside me. I don't know how I ever managed to get her there again. It seems a lifetime ago that the two of us lay here, my arms wrapped around her. I turn my head slightly and gaze at her. She does not yet sleep, though her eyes are closed, desperately wanting it. I want to reach out and touch her soft lips, to trace them with my fingertips. I vaguely recall doing it before. I traced her velvet-soft lips with my index finger then she captured my finger in her mouth, sucking it lightly. I'm surprised for although she's rather blunt with words she's rather shy when it's just the two of us in bed.

I snap back to reality as she shifts uncomfortably. As she settles down, I remember two weeks ago. We were with another friend and we held hands. Strictly platonic, of course. It can't be any other way… But then, before we went to sleep, I was stroking her fingers. She didn't do anything for the longest time. I'm not sure how long it was because I was content with just touching her as intimately as that. Then, out of nowhere, she suddenly wrenched her hand out of mine as if she had realized who it was and what I was doing. I was crushed. I turned away from her and tried to sleep, eventually falling into a restless slumber, waking every few hours.

But now, now I need to talk to her, to tell her how I feel. A pained smile appears on my face as I curse my horrid luck. She moves onto her back, the way I pictured her when I told her this. I don't want to do this. I almost back down, but I suddenly get a burst of courage and go for it, plunging headlong into sure-disaster. I take a calming breath then make my move. I move and straddle her hips under the sheets that covered us on this warm summer night. She opens her eyes; her startled eyes meet my own. I say nothing for a moment, losing myself in her eyes. We blink and I am pulled out of my reverie. I lean down to her left ear, my hands above her shoulders, but not touching them. I'm not sure what would happen if I did; I could lose myself and forget what I'm supposed to be doing. But I can't, so I refrain from contacting her physically as much as I can. I whisper in her ear, "Please, don't say anything. If you do I may never be able to tell you this." I sit up partially, and look at her in the eyes, my back hunched over so I can look down, directly into her eyes. "I love you," I tell her, but quickly continue, "but as a friend. You **are** my best friend after all, right?" My voice quivers and I stop for a moment. I swallow, trying to moisten my throat, then continue, "I'm moving soon, as you know." I motion to the boxes that lay scattered over my room. She gives me a small nod telling me she knows and I nee not elaborate and I am relieved. I continue, my eyes returning to hers. "I probably won't see you for a long time. We can always write and call each other and stuff, but it won't be the same…" I let out a small sigh, trying to search for the right words and not make a fool out of myself. I swallow again, my parched throat refusing to stay moist.

I try again, starting over. "I miss you. I miss being able to kiss you, hug you, and hold you… But mostly, I miss the holding you. I will admit, you **are **the best kisser I know, but I miss holding you the most." I trail my fingers delicately over her lips absently, not noticing. I stop again, not knowing what to say. I let my eyes dance over her features; her dark hair sprawled around her, her dark, half-lidded eyes… I pull my hand away from her mouth and mutter an apology as I notice my hand tracing her slightly chapped lips. She swallows and licks her lips, as if she's just aware that she has them. I watch as her tongue darts out of her mouth and I pinch my eyes shut. "I'd like to lay with you," I tell her all too bluntly for my own good. My eyes fly open and I'm glad of the darkness that surrounds us. I feel my cheeks burn and my muscles tighten. She looks at me as if she's not quite sure what I said. I immediately regret ever inviting her over. "Nevermind, Rei. Act like I never said anything, okay?" I mumble as I move over to my side of the bed nearest the wall. I curl up, my back against toward her. I feel like an utter fool. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Now she must hate me. How couldn't she? I ruined her life once before by telling her that I love her, and now I've done it again. Good thing I'm moving. Now she won't have to listen to me babble about stupid things like this, or about icky bugs and whatnot. I can the Bunnie everyone knows me to be: A blonde, ditzy, air-headed teenage girl.

I jump as she touches my shoulder. I turn toward her and she looks at me. I look back at her, a scared deer staring down a gigantic bear. She gives my hand a small squeeze and nods, lying back down. I wonder what she nods about, but she doesn't say a word. I snuggle up to her, my left arm draped possessively over her chest and my right hand absently playing with her dark hair. A giant pit is in my stomach and I'm not sure what else I should do. She does not move to reciprocate in me holding her, but she doesn't push me away at all. I go against my normal instinct and I tell myself it's better than nothing. I smile a little as I feel and hear her breathing. "Thank you," I whisper into her shoulder as we both drift slowly into sleep. I wonder if I'll ever be at this much peace again, but don't worry about it. What matters right now, at this very moment, is that she is with me. I don't care for how long; I just care that she is. She's mine…

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They're probably OOC, but I wasn't sure exactly how Rei would react… .; She's not all that predictable, you know? So, R/R, please? ^^;


	2. Worth It?

Title: Worth It?

Author: Bunnie

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: I don't own Sailor Moon or any of the characters that I'm acting like these people are.

Warnings: Implied shoujo-ai (Femalexfemale relationship), lots of internal conflict, and Angsty!Bunnie "discusses" suicide. Don't read if any of this offends you.

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Bunnie sat at her desk, looking at a blank piece of paper. At first glance, you'd think she was just staring off into space, as usual. However, upon further investigation, or if you knew her really well, you'd notice her right hand as it furiously scratched her left wrist beneath the cover of her desk. She winced as she scratched her wrist raw, covering it in welts and red marks. After long, grueling minutes passed, she grasped her sore wrist, as if to say she must stop, and let out a small half-whimper, half-sigh. She stayed like that for a moment before slowly sliding her eyes open. She lifted her wrist to her face and looked at it. Disgust seeped onto her features, a frown growing on her face. How can you keep doing this to yourself? She shook her arm roughly, forcing her sleeve to fall over her self-inflicted wounds.

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You have to stop this, The rational part of her brain scolded.

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Why? Does anyone really care? I mean, I know my mom loves me, and my brother cares about me, but wouldn't it make everything a lot easier? she argued with herself.

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Of course it may be easier, but that doesn't mean they'd like that! Just think about all the people that'd be affected by that! All of your family, not only your parents and brother, but also your friends! Think of them, too! She told herself, trying to be reasonable.

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Friends can be made, and friends can be lost. That's how the world works, she argued stubbornly.

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What about her? Don't you care what she thinks?

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Not anymore, no. She gave up her influence over me when she left and betrayed me, she told herself, cringing. She knew it was a lie, but she had to keep telling herself that. How else would she be able to keep seeing her, and talking to her, and just hanging out with her?

Bunnie shook her head, stopping the internal conflict. She stood and walked over to her bed, flopping onto it unceremoniously, and curled up with her back against the wall. Still in her all black attire she closed her eyes and, for once, welcomed sleep.

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In a rush of sound, Bunnie suddenly finds herself spiraling downward. Memories molest her in her dreams, bombarding her with things she'd rather forget…

A hallway littered with kids, a dark-haired beauty throwing a bag away, glaring at an upset blonde girl in a doorway. "FUCK YOU!" the enraged dark-haired girl screamed at the timid blonde girl, then stomped off. The distraught blonde girl scurried into the room, hoping no one will see her tears. Her own thoughts at the time whirl through her head in a tumult of sound: "How could she do that to me…? And here, even...?"

The memory fades, bringing on a much different one…

Outside in the grass. The same dark-haired girl as in the last flashback was sitting cross-legged in the grass, moonlight shining down on her and the other girl, the blonde girl from the previous flashback, sitting on her knees in front of the dark-haired beauty. The girls' lighter-haired companion leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the darker-haired girl's shoulders, pulling her into a semi-hug, the dark-haired girl's forehead resting between the other girl's collar bones, the blonde resting her head lightly on her dark-haired companions head in return. The dark-haired girl sniffled, tears forcing themselves from her eyes. "I want to protect you," she tells the blonde. The blonde's thoughts to that once again bombard her. "No you don't… You can't… You don't love me…" 

The next thought comes…

The same blonde as from the other scenes was talking into a phone in her room, tears flowing down her cheeks. A pause as a response is given from the girl on the other line, it something along the lines of, "You lie to me, too, right?" A shocked, mortified expression befalls the poor blonde, her free hand falling limply to her side with her mouth falling open, shocked at the accusation she just received. "Only that once… And it was the biggest mistake of my life," she hears, her thoughts, again, echo in her mind.

A fourth memory fades into her minds eyes…

An all too familiar scene replays through her head, again unwillingly. Her blonde figure, the same as in the last three scenes, hugging her secret love as they lay in bed together, she on her stomach against her love's right side. "Don't you ever do that again," the dark-haired girl pleads with her friend. "I won't… I promise," finally words – a promise once made and broken - and a silent vow never to break it, and her loves heart, again. Her delicate hand rising to the dark-haired girl's right cheek. Slowly pressing her soft lips to the girls' right cheek - the girl that meant more to her than life itself.

Bunnie bolted up from her troubled sleep, panting and in a cold sweat. She cursed herself mentally. **_This _**is why you don't sleep anymore, she told herself, _your ex-lover plaguing your every thought - waking and otherwise. And at least waking I can slightly control what's happening. _She sighed audibly to herself and stood up to stretch, not used to being balled in the fetal position while sleeping.

After stretching, Bunnie sat back onto her bed and thought out loud, asking herself the same question she's always asking herself:

"Well, Buns, is it worth it?"

She sighed again. With the answer quite obvious, she responded to herself after only a moment's pause. "I wouldn't trade in all the wonderful moments we had together for anything, so of course it was… Though now that all I feel is cold and empty, I don't know what to do…" She trailed off.

Bunnie's stubborn side spoke up, "Really? Are you sure? What about all the cold stares and hurtful, **hateful **remarks?"

Bunnie shook her head. "Even though those hurt me more than anything, I still love her… She does that," she tries to rationalize with herself, "just so she doesn't get hurt… Why else do you bite back?" 

She pinched her eyes shut again, trying to hold back tears. "And to think, just a few precious days ago you were sleeping next to her in your bed, your arm draped cautiously over her back…"

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And you were going to kiss her, too! she spitefully thought to herself.

She shook her head again, falling back onto her bed. _Was it really worth it…?_

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Okay, this is kinda a sequel… Just more rambling, I think, but let's see what you guys think, shall we? ^^; R/R, please. If you'd like to flame me, please don't. I didn't force you to read my story.


	3. Reflections

Title: A Letter

Author: Bunnie

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, please don't sue me!

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Bunnie sighed as she thought about what to write in a letter to her dark-haired love. Currently she was balancing her pencil on her nose, thinking of how to finish it. So far, the letter read:

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Dear Rei,

I know you don't want anymore of these letters, and I want to stop writing them to you. However, I can't do that. You're just too damn confusing. One minute I think you hate me and would give anything not to talk to me, and them next I think you'd like to be good friends, like the old times. I just don't know what to think anymore…

This letter is to inform you of a few things. The first being this: I don't know if you think I'll try and commit suicide again, and I don't know if you'll believe me this time, when I say I never will, but Rei, I never will try and take my life again. You alone have made me feel the two worst feelings in the world. The first when I made you cry. I've done it a couple times, that I know of, and I never want to do it again. It's just like a wrench goes and twists up all of my insides, and I don't know what to do. So, both times I was there, I did the only thing I could do: hug you. Tell you I'll never do it again, and think to myself how much I love you, and what a wretched person I must be to have made such a wonderful person like you cry. Then again, on the flip side, the other worst feeling I've experienced, thanks to you, is betrayal. 

I've always loathed betrayal. In movies or books, when a person betrays one person or group to another person or group, I automatically hate them. You know me, Bunnie the pacifist, always trying to do things peacefully (Not counting with you and the girls or my brother, though. But we all know that's different). But I tell you, as soon as someone betrays, I hate them. And that's what you did when you sold me out. My best friend, my girlfriend, my love. You knew how I felt about you, and you told my mother. And before that, you lied to me about the knowledge of the meeting. You flat out lied about it. Then you accused me of lying to you when I confronted you about it! What was I supposed to do then? I couldn't talk to my mom, she was in on it. And my life line, you, had cut off all means of communication to you. Wait, that sounds familiar… Is that what happened the night I tried to kill myself? And then you… You had the nerve to tell me I would never do it again! And of course, I won't. I'm a hopeless romantic. I love you, and will do whatever it is you ask of me…

So, you've betrayed me, you've made me feel lower than the scum of the earth, and I still love you unconditionally? Yep, pretty much. I don't know why you don't love me… Am I too fat? Too loud? Not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Too ditzy? Too dependant, maybe? Too needy? Too bratty? Too bossy? I don't understand… I'd do anything for you, but you don't feel the same…

Bunnie stared at the letter on her desk, then suddenly recalled the phone conversation from earlier. The phone conversation that had been the reason this depressing letter had been started. She held her pencil firmly, to minimize the shakiness of her hand, and began to write again, her script filling line after line on the paper in front of her. She continued the letter.

"I don't know if you still know of my feelings toward you. However, you have once again broken my heart. And you probably don't even care. You're not sure what I'm talking about, I'm sure… Well, it's the fact that you're taken - you have a boyfriend. And you _tell _me about it. You didn't have to. Hell, I was the first out of all the girls you told! I can't believe you. I bet you don't even know you hurt me! Geez, you're so naïve, Rei. You always seem so smart and mature compared to most of us, but you're not," she whispered as she wrote, tears dripping onto her lap.

She jumped as the front door downstairs slammed shut. She mentally scolded herself for being so jumpy, then set back to her letter. She wiped her tear-stained cheeks, then got out another piece of blank stationary. She looked at the little bunny winking in the bottom right corner and sighed, wishing she could be happy like before.

"This letter was to address some things I've been thinking about," she continued, mumbling as she scribed the rest of her letter. "I have yet, however, to discuss something you've asked me before. 'Was it worth it?' you asked me. Only you can answer that for me. If I ever once made you feel special, made you feel like the only thing you wanted was for me to be with you, then yes, it was. If ever you thought that you'd like nothing more than for me to touch and kiss and caress you lovingly, then yes, it was. If ever you wanted me to be right there with you as your girlfriend and not just a friend, yes, it was. If ever you wanted me, even a little, then yes. It was."

She closed her eyes and rubbed them, the scribbled one last paragraph. "Now you know my feelings. I've laid everything out on the table before you - including my heart. If I predict you correctly, you will probably walk away from me, acting like this never happened. You quarantine yourself from me, and never tell the girls anything about us. You'll tell you your family, and I won't be able to come around you because they'll all hate me. Hate me for telling you the truth - my feelings - again. If I could tell you one last thing, something you'll remember forever, it'd be this: You're a wonderful person, and I love you a lot. I hope you're forever happy, and love treats you kindly. I hope everything works out for the best for you."

She read over her letter again, trying to catch all the grammatical, mechanical and other stupid mistakes she might have made. Once satisfied with the letter, she set it down. She stared at it for a long time, not sure how to sign it. She finally scribbled "Eternally Yours, Buns" and folded the two pieces of paper. She slid them into a plain white envelope. She sealed the envelope with a kiss, lightly kissing the flap once it was sealed. She placed a heart-shaped sticker over her kiss and turned it over. She scribbled Rei's address onto the envelope and her name in the upper left hand corner, as if nothing was wrong. She silently cursed herself as a tear slid off the tip of her nose onto the letter. Hoping Rei wouldn't notice, she put stickers all over the envelope. She smiled sadly to herself, noting her façade still held up on an envelope. She licked a stamp and placed in on the upper right corner of the envelope and stood up. 

She calmly walked downstairs and through the front door, not pausing to speak to her family when they questioned her. She walked straight to the mailbox. She calmly opened the mailbox and slid the letter in, closing the box and putting the flag up. Heading back inside, her placid features did not change. They did not change until lunch, when she finally emerged from her room, content that the mail had been taken. She ate lunch with her usual vigor to not raise suspicions, then went back upstairs, lying and saying she was busy.

Once in her room, she picked up the knife she had been using earlier, and again attempted to slash open her left calf. She pressed the knife to her pale skin and grinned, a frightening glint in her eyes.

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A.N. Okay, I think I'm done. Please R/R, though. I appreciated all the feedback I received. Thanks!


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